PUNS

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

When chemists die, apparently they barium.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. As of now, it appears the police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro - what a rip off !





Original Post

The solicitor says to the wealthy "art collector" business tycoon:

 “Ihave some good news and, I have some bad news….”
The tycoon replies: "I’ve had an awful day, let’s hear the good news first?"
The solicitor says: “Well your wife invested £5,000 in two pictures

 this week that she thinks are worth a minimum of £2 to £3 million.”


The tycoon replies enthusiastically: “Well done…very good news indeed!
You’ve just made my day; now what’s the bad news?” The solicitor replies:

“The pictures are of you with your secretary.”

Six short stories

{1}
Once all villagers decided to pray for rain, on the day of prayer all the people gathered, but only one boy came with an umbrella.
That's FAITH
{2}
When you throw a baby in the air, she laughs because she knows you will catch her.
That's TRUST

{3}
Every night we go to bed, without any assurance of being alive the next morning but still we set the alarms to wake up.
That's HOPE
{4}
We plan big things for tomorrow in spite of zero knowledge of the future.
That's CONFIDENCE
{5}
We see the world suffering, but still we get married and have children.
That's LOVE
{6}
On an old man's shirt was written a sentence 'I am not 80 years old…. I am sweet 16 with 64 years experience'
That's ATTITUDE

Have a happy day and live your life like these six stories!

 

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