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FM
Former Member

Question for those who care to answer . How would you deal with a situation where you discovered that your parents bought properties / land in Guyana and Florida with your only brother listed as a co purchaser even though they funded all the purchases with all of their own money . He did NOTHING with his life and opportunities presented to him , yet it is his name on everything .

 

Worse yet , you only found this out by discovering the files on the computer . If no effort was even made to tell you about purchased properties , land and a business expansion project with your sibling listed and you excluded .. how would you feel ? Additionally , he is included in the family business . You are excluded.

 

Finally , assume that you have 300 thousand USD in student debt ( no joke ) and you are still in the infancy of your training with a low income , having struggled for years with minimal family help , accomplished a high educational level which supposedly warrants a tiny reward at the least .. but you are excluded for an older brother who squandered his life and who receives monthly income and bills paid by your parents . How would you feel ? What would you do ?

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Originally Posted by Amral:

tough luck, but it is your parents money and they are free to do what they want to do with it. You will feel bitter about it, but maybe one day your parents will see things your way. In the meanwhile do not stop talking or loving your parents. Good luck

 

Thank you for the kind response Amral . I really don't plan on confronting my parents about it . I don't really care about the material inheritance . That they showed me love and raised me is enough for me . It really is .

 

I have never demanded anything from my parents . My grandmother left a ton of money for my brother's education and the idiot still hasn't completed a bachelor's degree at 37 yrs old despite being well funded by parents and grandparents .

 

I'm 29 , worked three jobs all throughout undergrad . Tutored and taught college , served in the us marines , finished graduate school then embarked upon an intensive professional program . Yes my parents are proud to tell others that I have a professional title before my name , yet they exclude me financially . Its not the money that I care about . I will succeed on my own . Ironic thing is that my dad always told me I won't make it . I don't understand . I have always been a good son and try to honor my family by doing well . As a top student in Guyana , I was physically , emotionally and otherwise abused by a jealous brother 8 years my senior . My dad has emotionally and verbally abused , discouraging me in my professional goals . Yet it is great bragging rights for him to say his son holds a professional title .

FM

that's flucked up....to put it bluntly....I went thru some stuff as well...I just focused on myself and eventually my own family after I got married. Just ignore the nonsense and do what's best for yourself (be a little selfish). It's dif***ult, but avoid dealing too much with them (only when necessary), continue doing your thing...one day, believe me, they will need you!I am sure ypou wouldn't hold any grudges by then either...

FM
Originally Posted by chameli:

If this had happened to me (if i am bothered by it...which you are, i would ask my parents about it)...oh wait, it did!!! (except that they did not have properties in other countries just rice land and prop in GY) everything was in my only brother's name because he lived with them and i lived abroad...then my beloved brother on died and i sold the house and land but kept the rice land...still in their names.

 

 

 

That is indeed sad . I'm sorry to hear about the death of your brother . I imagine culturally , it is indian culture for the son to be the hier . I wonder what the outcome would have been if they had two sons and a daughter . In my case , my parents have two sons .

FM
Thank you for the kind advice Raymond.
 
Originally Posted by raymond:

that's flucked up....to put it bluntly....I went thru some stuff as well...I just focused on myself and eventually my own family after I got married. Just ignore the nonsense and do what's best for yourself (be a little selfish). It's dif***ult, but avoid dealing too much with them (only when necessary), continue doing your thing...one day, believe me, they will need you!I am sure ypou wouldn't hold any grudges by then either...

 

 

Thank you for the kind advice Raymond .

FM
Originally Posted by Guyanese4eva:

Question for those who care to answer . How would you deal with a situation where you discovered that your parents bought properties / land in Guyana and Florida with your only brother listed as a co purchaser even though they funded all the purchases with all of their own money . He did NOTHING with his life and opportunities presented to him , yet it is his name on everything .

 

 

Look at it in a positive way, when you work hard and accomplish things for yourself, you value it better.

 

Maybe the parents think you can earn more than your brother and do not need help.  But at least they should have told you about the purchases rather than you finding out on your own.  I would have felt betrayed.

I always encourage my parents to give to one of my siblings who is more needy, that's why I am blessed in so many ways.

alena06
Originally Posted by alena06:
Originally Posted by Guyanese4eva:

Question for those who care to answer . How would you deal with a situation where you discovered that your parents bought properties / land in Guyana and Florida with your only brother listed as a co purchaser even though they funded all the purchases with all of their own money . He did NOTHING with his life and opportunities presented to him , yet it is his name on everything .

 

 

Look at it in a positive way, when you work hard and accomplish things for yourself, you value it better.

 

Maybe the parents think you can earn more than your brother and do not need help.  But at least they should have told you about the purchases rather than you finding out on your own.  I would have felt betrayed.

I always encourage my parents to give to one of my siblings who is more needy, that's why I am blessed in so many ways.

Jai Shree Ram.

Nehru
Originally Posted by Amral:

Let me put it this way, are parents obligated to give their older children money?


I would think they are not obligated to give any child money.  However, if out of kindness they want to help then they are free to spend their money.

 

It should be communicated to the rest of the children though, so they don't feel betrayed.

alena06
Originally Posted by alena06:
Originally Posted by Amral:

Let me put it this way, are parents obligated to give their older children money?


I would think they are not obligated to give any child money.  However, if out of kindness they want to help then they are free to spend their money.

 

It should be communicated to the rest of the children though, so they don't feel betrayed.

 

Lol , this is EXACTLY how I feel . Left out . I always told myself as kid that I would not recieve help while he does . This was the fuel that drove me to succeed at every level . Sadly , now its more about acceptance and inclusion , not so much at the material level .

 

p.s - just saw the blueprint for a massive building to be erected in Guyana . It has my dad's name and my brother's name on it . Sad that as a kid , I used to help my dad build his business when he was starting from the ground up

FM
Originally Posted by Sunil:

parents probably assumed that you can stand on your own 2 feet, its the other loser that needs all the help he can get.

Exactly!

 

 

What alena said is also true and I quote her

"Look at it in a positive way, when you work hard and accomplish things for yourself, you value it better."

 

 

Feel better now bud?

cain
Originally Posted by Guyanese4eva:

Question for those who care to answer . How would you deal with a situation where you discovered that your parents bought properties / land in Guyana and Florida with your only brother listed as a co purchaser even though they funded all the purchases with all of their own money . He did NOTHING with his life and opportunities presented to him , yet it is his name on everything .

 

Worse yet , you only found this out by discovering the files on the computer . If no effort was even made to tell you about purchased properties , land and a business expansion project with your sibling listed and you excluded .. how would you feel ? Additionally , he is included in the family business . You are excluded.

 

Finally , assume that you have 300 thousand USD in student debt ( no joke ) and you are still in the infancy of your training with a low income , having struggled for years with minimal family help , accomplished a high educational level which supposedly warrants a tiny reward at the least .. but you are excluded for an older brother who squandered his life and who receives monthly income and bills paid by your parents . How would you feel ? What would you do ?

Some parents have favorites. I treat my kids the same way and I made sure that they got a good start so they can stand on their own. You need to forget what they did and work on you. That is your only out.

 

School loans are the most toxic of debt.  You cannot put off paying it off. Luckily Obama has some easy terms presently that keeps them from jacking it up to as much as 15 percent as in the past.

 

If you are a medical student the easiest way of getting rid of them is joining the military or working on a reservation. You can work off 200K in 2 years that way.

 

You need to pay those damn things off as quickly as possible or you have an stone around your leg for life. I have friends my age who still owe as much as 50k.

 

As I said, if you are in physical theraphy, or medicine or any of the related fields, the reservation or the military is the easiest route for you. You get to travel, if the military, get experience at low cost, get paid and get your loans wiped off. Check it out.

FM
Originally Posted by cain:
Originally Posted by Sunil:

parents probably assumed that you can stand on your own 2 feet, its the other loser that needs all the help he can get.

Exactly!

 

 

What alena said is also true and I quote her

"Look at it in a positive way, when you work hard and accomplish things for yourself, you value it better."

 

 

Feel better now bud?

 

I think so . Thank you . 

FM
Originally Posted by Stormborn:
Originally Posted by Guyanese4eva:

Question for those who care to answer . How would you deal with a situation where you discovered that your parents bought properties / land in Guyana and Florida with your only brother listed as a co purchaser even though they funded all the purchases with all of their own money . He did NOTHING with his life and opportunities presented to him , yet it is his name on everything .

 

Worse yet , you only found this out by discovering the files on the computer . If no effort was even made to tell you about purchased properties , land and a business expansion project with your sibling listed and you excluded .. how would you feel ? Additionally , he is included in the family business . You are excluded.

 

Finally , assume that you have 300 thousand USD in student debt ( no joke ) and you are still in the infancy of your training with a low income , having struggled for years with minimal family help , accomplished a high educational level which supposedly warrants a tiny reward at the least .. but you are excluded for an older brother who squandered his life and who receives monthly income and bills paid by your parents . How would you feel ? What would you do ?

Some parents have favorites. I treat my kids the same way and I made sure that they got a good start so they can stand on their own. You need to forget what they did and work on you. That is your only out.

 

School loans are the most toxic of debt.  You cannot put off paying it off. Luckily Obama has some easy terms presently that keeps them from jacking it up to as much as 15 percent as in the past.

 

If you are a medical student the easiest way of getting rid of them is joining the military or working on a reservation. You can work off 200K in 2 years that way.

 

You need to pay those damn things off as quickly as possible or you have an stone around your leg for life. I have friends my age who still owe as much as 50k.

 

As I said, if you are in physical theraphy, or medicine or any of the related fields, the reservation or the military is the easiest route for you. You get to travel, if the military, get experience at low cost, get paid and get your loans wiped off. Check it out.

 

 

Thank you so much for the insight , advice and plan of action . I did look into Loan forgiveness program including the ones available for working with the reservations . I don't remember it being that generous as 200k in 2 yrs. I will have to revisit those options in the future . Obama's student loan initiative is also a big help esp with the income based repayment for public service / non profit organizations.

 

"You need to forget what they did and work on you. That is your only out."

Definitely keeping that in mind .

Thanks again.

FM

If I were you I would feel proud of myself for being able to be my own man while my brother, 8 years my senior, STILL need my parents help to survive. I will know that whatever I have or get in the future will be by my own hands. I will work harder and be better and not hold anything against my parents because when I was a baby, an infant, a teenager growing up they provided, cared for me and nurtured me into who I am today. A STRONG, INDEPENDENT MAN! I would not say ooof to them because I love them and hate is a heavy baggage. I will smile on the inside knowing what I know and watching them try to do things thinking that I do not know.  

FM

The last thing I want is for my kids to tell me what to do with my money when it comes to giving them some of it.

I accepted nothing from my dad and didn't care what he left for who in his will. Neither am I worried about what my mom will leave me in her will.

 

The Bible has a parable about a father who had three sons. He gave each of them something to do with some money etc. Your situation is very much the same. You should look up that parable in The Bible. You'll learn a lot from it.

Mr.T
Originally Posted by Bruddaman:

If I were you I would feel proud of myself for being able to be my own man while my brother, 8 years my senior, STILL need my parents help to survive. I will know that whatever I have or get in the future will be by my own hands. I will work harder and be better and not hold anything against my parents because when I was a baby, an infant, a teenager growing up they provided, cared for me and nurtured me into who I am today. A STRONG, INDEPENDENT MAN! I would not say ooof to them because I love them and hate is a heavy baggage. I will smile on the inside knowing what I know and watching them try to do things thinking that I do not know.

 

This is a very insightful response . Thank you . The still nagging issue I have is that they excluded me from my father's legacy in terms of being involved in the future survival of his company which I would have loved to help build and expand. I saw it as way to honor my father . Its kinda puzzling the way this unfolded . But sadly , it makes sense . I think it has to do with my mother's persuasion and appeal  to my dad to  take care o fmy older brother . But whatever it is ,it is their money . I keep in mind Stormborn's quote of working on myself as the only way out .

FM
Originally Posted by Mr.T:

The last thing I want is for my kids to tell me what to do with my money when it comes to giving them some of it.

I accepted nothing from my dad and didn't care what he left for who in his will. Neither am I worried about what my mom will leave me in her will.

 

The Bible has a parable about a father who had three sons. He gave each of them something to do with some money etc. Your situation is very much the same. You should look up that parable in The Bible. You'll learn a lot from it.

 

I admire that you didn't  accepted anything from your  parents . For me , it is not so much about being materially rewarded as it is about being allowed to contribute to the business he started . Professionally I would be able to do so much for their future expansion . I never asked and demanded money from my parents . It was my brother who always did .

 

I have read the quoted parable a long time ago .

 

Thanks for the response.

FM

I don't doubt for one minute that you would make a valuable contribution to the business. But maybe your parents want your brother to learn to be responsible like you and for him to be able to make decisions that would help him to understand what it means to be a success. You have passed that stage and don't need for your parents to hold your hands. It seems that your parents are trying to achieve the same with your brother.

Mr.T

Mind over matter it was not yours in the first place and since you are independent as you claim and have achieved your status on your own. Why worry with what others do with their resources, should you recieve anything from them doan look the gift horse in the mouth. Mind over matter. Take a nice sip or two of Hennesey kick back and say aah I have landed on my own two feet.   

ball

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