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A new phenomenon called

E-MOONING

         
                       
     

We all know those cute little computer       symbols called 'emoticons,' where:
     
      means a smile and
     
      is a frown.
     
      Sometimes these are represented by
     
      :-)
     
      :-(
     
      Well, how about some 'ASSICONS?'
      Here goes:
     
     
      (_!_) a regular ass
     
     
      (__!__) a fat ass
     
     
      (!) a tight ass
     
     
      (_*_) an ass hole
     
     
      {_!_} a swishy ass
     
     
      (_o_) an ass that's been around

     


      (_x_) kiss my ass
     
     
      (_X_) leave my ass alone
     
     
      (_zzz_) a tired ass
     
     
      (_E=mc2_) a smart ass
     
     
      (_$_) Money coming out of his ass
     
     
      (_?_) Dumb Ass
     
      You have just been e-mooned! Send
      This to 5 people within the next hour and

     

You will be blessed with people laughing

     

Their asses off

     

At your e-mail.

     
   

Replies sorted oldest to newest

Have the best day ever and a good laugh.

 

 

Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.



Ear Infection

This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there and

you have to answer in front of others what is wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.

There is nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.

I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

 



A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.


The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'


'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.


The receptionist became irritated and said, 'you shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '


'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.


The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people.

You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'


The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.

The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.


The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'


'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice... 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'


'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.


The waiting room erupted in laughter...


Mess with seniors, and you're going to lose.

ball

 

 

 

 

 

 

CROW   DEATHS
                                                                       

Researchers for the   Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater   Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian   Flu.

 

A Bird Pathologist   examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed   the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.

 

The cause of death   appeared to be vehicular impacts.


  However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colours of   paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.

 

By analysing these   paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by   impact with trucks, while only 2% were
  killed by an impact with a car.
 
  MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a   cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.
  The Ornithological Behaviourist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

 

They discovered that   while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one   could shout "Truck."

 

Absolutely   amazing!

 

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

         
 

 

 

 

 

ball
Last edited by ball

A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Britain
so that they can see their own doctor.
---------------------------------------
Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production of
humus and Taramasalata.
It's a double dip recession.
----------------------------------------
A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are
busy but do you treat dwarves?"
The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".
------------------------------------------
63 Pakistanis died in Bradford this morning.
It was not a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed..
The police are blaming AL IKEA .
----------------------------------------
Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco.
Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.
----------------------------------------
--------------------------------------
Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them..
"Blow that" said Paddy "That's the last time I go lion dancing"
         
Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year".
Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."

----------------------------------------

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house.  
Turns out she was a Slovak.


 ----------------------------------------
 

I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.  
To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

----------------------------------------
 

Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate. When I said white, they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes.
I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.

----------------------------------------
 

Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
----------------------------------------
 
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt .
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.......

----------------------------------------
 

Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's Riots......
Your One Year Manufacturer's Warranty Runs Out Soon.
----------------------------------------
 
Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both in hospital...... One's in a korma....... The other's got a dodgy tikka!

----------------------------------------
 
--------------------------------------

Sailing results are in:  USA took gold, GB took silver and Somalia took a Middle aged couple from Weymouth .
----------------------------------------
 
 
 ----------------------------------------
A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, blow the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!

ball
Originally Posted by ball:

A new phenomenon called

E-MOONING

         
                       
     

We all know those cute little computer       symbols called 'emoticons,' where:
     
      means a smile and
     
      is a frown.
     
      Sometimes these are represented by
     
      :-)
     
      :-(
     
      Well, how about some 'ASSICONS?'
      Here goes:
     
     
      (_!_) a regular ass
     
     
      (__!__) a fat ass
     
     
      (!) a tight ass
     
     
      (_*_) an ass hole
     
     
      {_!_} a swishy ass
     
     
      (_o_) an ass that's been around

     


      (_x_) kiss my ass
     
     
      (_X_) leave my ass alone
     
     
      (_zzz_) a tired ass
     
     
      (_E=mc2_) a smart ass
     
     
      (_$_) Money coming out of his ass
     
     
      (_?_) Dumb Ass
     
      You have just been e-mooned! Send
      This to 5 people within the next hour and

     

You will be blessed with people laughing

     

Their asses off

     

At your e-mail.

     
   

you and TI just waste people's time. One of these days I am going to get up off my rock and whap, wattacks  and crack as it hit you or him   right on the head!!!!....I don't see you have any of your battie emoticon for mad people getting vengence for being annoyed!

FM

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